"Hi Kiran, I wanted to tell you about my day because I handled it so much differently than I would have before taking your class and I think my outcome was so much better. A little background, our dog passed away in December and over the weekend we brought a new puppy home. My 4 year old son had a great day for most of the day and then this afternoon, things started to go sideways. He was tantruming, not listening, and pushing against limits. I knew that the limits should, in theory, give him something to metaphorically rub up against in order to work through whatever was bothering him. However, for a couple of hours all he was doing was getting upset at limits, throwing tantrums, getting hugs and then telling really bizarre stories as to why he was upset. Then the pattern would repeat itself. I could tell he that he was making things up in order to avoid actually talking about what was bothering him and he was anxious to move away and do something else. Finally, I decided on an early bedtime.
My husband and I set a limit, planned out in advance so we would stay calm, and our son expressed his feelings about the limit. I continued to get him ready for bed and stuck to the limit and he tantrumed right until the moment that I laid down in bed with him. I put my hand on his back and laid there with him. He turned over and told me that he missed Rover, our dog that had died, and he started crying. He proceeded to tell me how he loved Rover and missed him and that he didn't want our new dog to get old and to die. He asked if getting old meant having lots of birthdays, his is coming up in a couple of weeks, and said that he didn't want to have lots of birthdays and he didn't want me to have lots of birthdays and get old. He told me that our new dog could only have one birthday! He told me he loved me so much and that he didn't want me to die. Again, I reassured him and he smiled and started talking about his day and his entire demeanor changed.
What a weight for him to be carrying around all day!
I would NOT have handled it this way a few short weeks ago before taking Kiran's course. I am not sure I would have been able to figure out what was causing him so much stress. I would have chalked it up to him having a bad day or being in a bad mood and might have even doled out punishments for the tantruming and when that didn't work, hoped for a better day tomorrow.
REALLY LISTENING and being available to what he was thinking and feeling was what he needed and being able to provide that without getting rattled or going into control mode made me feel like a great mom.
Thank you SO MUCH for all you have helped me with these past weeks in your course!"